In a way it's good to be back. How long has it been since my last entry? I suppose many things have been clogging up my wheel of life, keeping me busy up to the point that I honest to god lack sleep.

My so called career has advanced to a higher level with all outlets now churning out maximum turnover and productivity. The virtual life I lead in the dreaded Ragnarok Online has also been rather fruitful, now that we've decided to sweep morals aside and go for the full blown method of "Automation".

But recently, I've also been whisked away regularly. To various parts of the island for a quiet little rendevous or two with a certain person. I've realised that I truely enjoy her company, and maybe it works both ways. Still, history has thought me to pace myself, so pace indeed I will. I like.

It's bloody MayDay today, and with that comes a rather long weekend ( which streches into the central reaches of next week). Fate hath decided for me to be short of manpower, so I guess I'm stuck here pulling shifts while there is still daylight to be caught.

Go figure.

But then again, fate works in mysterious ways. Suddenly, I can afford to take that certain someone out at night. And it's not even my offday too. Provided she doesn't fall sick from all the running around in the rain last night. Don't ask. I ain't telling anyway.

So for once, life has started to move again for me. Or maybe, I finally choose life. And come what may, it can't be that bad anymore can it.

p.s. I will beat the first person to burst my bubble. /gg

I suppose I'm really getting liberal with my work. The utter sense of control and job security has set in, allowing myself brief forays into the social world..not like that there's alot of in on this island anyway.

Miss Angsty was being grouchy all day, so clubbing on a weekend at the Superhot joint was a bad idea, it being a pubic holiday and all. But then again, it beats sitting around at work and doing PR with some southerners who think that THEY'RE ALL THAT just cos they got groupie chicks and get to shoot people who cross the road wrongly back in their hometown. Oh well.

I surprise myself alot nowdays, with my advanced level of tolerance. Have I mellowed that much after all? Maybe it comes with maturity *cough*cough*. Or just age I guess. And yessiree kiddies I'm stuck covering morning again due to the innane lack of manpower that this holiday season has wrought. The question is, will this journal last as long as I keep humane waking hours? Time will tell.

It's a sunday, o glorious sunday. I'm basically in cruise control , and I plan to stay in cruise control for the rest of the day. Maybe coffee later, and depending on which female is available, maybe a movie or a chillout session somewhere quiet, away from the bustling crowd of weekend warriors. All depends on who's available and when.

By the looks of it , I'd prolly end up taking Miss Angsty out, provided she wakes up on the right side of the bed. There is definite chemistry in the equation, the question is, what equation am I looking for? My many mistrials and errors have thought me to move at a comfortable pace. And move I will.

Provided I don't kill myself via sleep deprivation and vodka red bull first. Go me.






Because the sun still shines in the summer sky.
I'll be yours if you'll be mine.
I tried to change but I changed my mind
Think I'll have another glass of mexican wine

And in other notes, I'm a well balanced 47.61904761904762% of me is a huge nerd! How about you?">nerd after all. WHEEEE.

OMG. Just when I thought Daniel Benningfield's stalker anthem "If You Are Not The One" took top billing for the mentally disturbeds` charts, then I just found the song that beats that hands down! PVD's collaberation with Second Sun has even more disturbing lyrics that's sure to get chicks paranoid. And just for your viewing benefit, I went on to dig out the full contents of its lyrics. Feel free dedicating it to your loved one. [ Insert evil grin here ]

I know you want me

Can't run away, can't run away from me
I'll navigate the seven seas just to find you
Can't hide away, can't hide away from me
I'll be your shadow when the sun don't shine
Be a fly on the wall
Your wrecking ball
Your wake up call on a sleepless night
I'll be your cigarette smoke
Your Junkie's dope
You'll be hanging by a thread and I'll be holding the rope

Cars and planes and boats won't do
Yeah you can be sure I'll find you
I know you want me
Why won't you see me?
If I suffer then you'll too
I'm not alone out in the blue
You can't escape me
I won't just disappear

Can't fly away, can't fly away from me
I'll grab your wings and pull back down
Can't walk away, can't walk away from me
Can't you understand we're meant to be?
I'll be the soles on your feet
You sticky sheet
Your big black cloud on a sunny day
Be your shoulder's chip
Your sinking ship
Don't try to turn the pages, not that easy to stick

Cars and planes and boats won't do
Yeah you can be sure I'll find you
I know you want me
Why won't you see me?
If I suffer then you'll too
I'm not alone out in the blue
You can't escape me
I won't just disappear

Don't throw it all away
Because I'll be back for loving

I know you want me

Paul Van Dyk feat. Second Sun - Crush.

Sure to make any compulsive obsessive's loved one suffer bouts of paranoia for months. Who says dance music has no meaningful themes?

My mental defenses is almost next to nothing at the moment. The exertion of the long weekend has finally broken me down, both mentally and physically. My body is on its last ounce of strength, my will has been reduced to that of a child, my mind is begging for the throbbing to go away, and my heart wants to cuddles up on a certain someone's lap and just stay there the rest of the night.

But then, no rest for the wicked.

I've decided to shift myself into low gear for the next 24 hours. Ok. The next 12 hours. Go home. Take a very long shower. A quick nap. Maybe catch a movie. I gotta work the stress out soon before my hypertension decides to visit me again. I also realise that I haven't wanked for quite some time. Wow. Go me. The bad thing of having ur brain on auto pilot is that everything will fall back to instincts only soon. I should know. I've started to feel the pangs of horniness already at work earlier. Dammit.

So much for cruise control.

I was about to launch into a tirade about sex and the zen of relationships but I guess I'll leave that for another day, when my mind is more focused.

I just hope that I don't end up jerking off to Johnny Depp later. >.<

Weekend is here again, and it's been an interesting week by far, bordering on disasterous even. Every crisis that could happen at work, has already did, and the only thing missing is the police conducting a full scale raid on our outlets "just because they can".

But surprisingly, I've managed to keep (much) of myself together in such cases, even in the personal stuff that chose to occur as well. A couple of days ago, one of myflames gave me a call, just to say hi and that she's ok, and also that she just got married a couple of weeks back. I'm happy for her really, as cliched as it sounds. After all what is there to say, cept to wish her all the best. I do envy her though, for being able to take that step in life. She says she's still settling into it, but I'm sure everything's gonna be alright for her.

Which got me thinking, that's the 4th flame of mine that's already tied the knot, one of them to my schoolmate's brother even. Maybe it's just a coincidence, but do women have to go through the "Rommel" experience before realizing that they should go and get married? Hmm. I just made myself sound bad. Or worse even. Dammit.

It's good that they've moved on with their lives and found the person to spend their life with. I only wish I could be so lucky. Don't we all. As for me, I've moved on as well, finally managing to get myself out of limbo, and into the nasty world of cybercafe dealings. Too bad our goverment has closed their minds and started to impose bad ass rules and guidelines in their "Battle for A Morally Rich Society". Haven't they learned that such things need to be started from home, through open education, rather than pulling the wool over the younger generations` eyes with censorship of things such as the word "Hell". Like wtf really.

I think I lost my trains of thought again through a major bout of weariness. Time to recharge my batteries I suppose. With age comes melancholy. And the indecision on pursuing emotional happiness for myself.

Should I. Or shouldn't I.

Guess I'll sleep on it.

I am still in awe. Troy was a much better watch that the popcornish Van Helsing, and I'll gladly shell out cash to watch it again. Brad Pitt fits in perfectly as Achilles, and Orlando Bloom is the pussy ass cunt he's meant to be. Gone are the heroic images of Legolas. Whee.

To put it in RO terms, Achilles = Agi Crusader with Zerk Pots. 50,000 Greeks and all it takes is 50 Myrmidons to capture the beach from the Trojans. I suppose there's many a moral to the stories within. Some of them are :

- WH4 - Die for Pussy. Considering that the whole thing started cos of dumb ass Paris fucking Helen, and the Agi Crusader dying cos of the temple maiden, it's a safe conclusion that pussy kills.

- If you covert thy neighbour's wife, you shalt reap the benefits in the end - And that fag Paris proves it by being the only ass to survive after Troy gets sacked. Oh. And he still gets to fuck Helen till the end too. Dumb cunt.

- Chickenshits live to run another day - So what if he caused a war, got his bro and dad killed, and his country sacked by the Greeks? He still gets to fuck Helen at the end of the day dammit.


Ok. I shouldn't multi task while trying to blog. I just read an article that implies Hercules to be a boy lover. like wtf. Greeks have so much gay love in them.

Later.

You can tell it's a Monday. And it's the beginning of a rather nasty week I suppose. When you get stuck in morning traffic even before the sun can rise, with your car threatening to blow up due to overheating, things can only get better right? Fat chance. The feeling of being kicked while you're down seems to override all regular broadcasts. Nevermind that you have only a total of 4 hours sleep within a 48hour period. Or that you're told by people you care for that "People need to be protected from you." What an ego booster eh?
I need my triple shot of coffee. I need a cool dip in the pool. I want my MTV. But since it's a Monday, I'm very sure I'm gonna be denied all that. And then some. Cheers people for turning my day into the perfect Monday morning. Garfield couldn't be more proud.

I am the eye of the hurricane
I hear your cries and I feel no pain
I wash away the hurt and broken chains
After all these years your heart's so cold to me

Give me all the things that you don't need
Fill me up with the air you breathe
If I ever see the day that you don't need me

Use me up
Cut me dry
Shut my mouth
Say goodbye
I'll let go
Of what I know

Break my world

Break my world

I sit inside of an empty room
Your heart is heavy and it's only ten
I give you more that I offer you
After all this time your eyes are cold to me

Give me all the things that you don't need
Fill me up with the air you breathe
If I ever see the day that you don't need me

Use me up
Cut me dry
Shut my mouth
Say goodbye
I'll let go
Of what I know

Break my world.

Dark Globe - Break my world.


What would have been a routine weekend has catapulted into a complicated one; a recurring complication for that note. Indeed so that maybe I misjudged my own mental strength, duping it into believing that I have buried the remains deep enough, only for one skeletal bit to cling onto my me, wanting so much to return to the present, to feel again, to live again.

Damn I need sleep.

I want my bolster. Or something to cling on to myself. My sense of self security has once again been punched full of holes. Maybe it's been my ego that's been keeping my head barely above water level. Then again, I don't have an ego do I. Right.

Workwise, my manpower problems have surfaced again. Our employee turnover rate is alarming high these days. I suppose it's time to get trustworthy full timers instead. Talk about making things hard for myself.

It's Jobe's birthday today, and to mark it we had a small shotgun session this morning. The plan is to have a major bash tonight, prolly at Tat's place, but the birthday boy has to move house, plus there's a few other complications as well. If I do decide to attend, I'll prolly drink myself silly, so it's time to round up some furniture to take along with me. And maybe melor too. If he isn't already stoned by then.

Right.

My brain died on me again. I should be doing drugs or stoning myself out on alcohol. At least I'd have an excuse to be stupid.

With a long range weapon or suicide bomber
Wicked mind is a weapon of mass destruction

Whether you're stowaway's son or BBC 1
Dis-information is a weapon of mass destruction

You could a caucasian or a poor asian
Racism is a weapon of mass destruction

Whether inflation or globalisation
Fear is a weapon of mass destruction

My dad came into my room, holdin his hat
I knew he was leavin', he sat
on my bed, told me some facts,
son

I have a duty, callin on me
You and your sister be
brave my little soldier,
and don't forget all i told ya
Your the mister of the house now remember this
And when you wake up in the morning give ya momma a kiss,
then I had to say goodbye

In the morning i woke momma with a kiss on each eyelid,
Even though im only a kid,
certain things can't be hid
Momma grabbed me, held me like i was made of gold,
but left her in the story untold
I said, momma it will be allright,
when daddy comes home, tonight

With a long range weapon or suicide bomber
Wicked mind is a weapon of mass destruction

Whether you're stowaway's son or BBC 1
Dis-information is a weapon of mass destruction

You could a caucasian or a poor asian
Racism is a weapon of mass destruction

Whether inflation or globalisation
Fear is a weapon of mass destruction

Whether Haliburton, Enron or anyone
Greed is a weapon of mass destruction

We need to find courage, overcome
Inaction is a weapon of mass destruction
Inaction is a weapon of mass destruction
Inaction is a weapon of mass destruction

My story stops here, lets be clear
this scenario is happenin everywhere
and you ain't goin to nirvana or favana
You comin right back here to live out your karma
with even more drama
than previously, seriously
Just how many centuries have we been waiting for someone else to make us free
And we refuse to see,
The people overseas are just like we
Bad leadership, amigos, unfettered and free
They feed on the people they're supposed to lead, I dont need it
We need to pray away, for the lord to make it all straight
Its only now we do it right, cos I don't want my daddy, leavin home tonight

With a long range weapon or suicide bomber
Wicked mind is a weapon of mass destruction

Whether you're stowaway's son or BBC 1
Dis-information is a weapon of mass destruction

You could a caucasian or a poor asian
Racism is a weapon of mass destruction

Whether inflation or globalisation
Fear is a weapon of mass destruction

Whether Haliburton, Enron or anyone
Greed is a weapon of mass destruction

We need to find courage, overcome
Inaction is a weapon of mass destruction

Faithless - Mass Destruction

Alcohol can be so soothing sometimes. Especially at times like this. Nothing like a few shotguns to launch my charade into escapism, but then a cunt ass face like Helen can launch a thousand ships, so I'll keep it at that instead.

Why do I bother with all this sometimes. I'd love to rant about the decadence of my life, but then again, I'm on Tats machine at the moment, and I'm very sure that he'd like it back within this lifetime. So I guess I'll sum it up simply then.

It sucks to be me.

With that said, I'll return you guys to your regular programming. Have a nice day.

I'll go back to my biger teers and shotguns.

Go me.

Hi. I'm a useless soon to be middle aged half breed who is shunted by both sides of his ethicity. I live with the illusion of job security attached to a small company chain that probably humours me with my job title. I may have my own place and car, but still doesn't mean anything because people think that I got it all through doting relatives, or by abusing my so called special benefits that has left a sickening stain across the country. My failure at relationships have mainly been attested to my crossbreeding, but also due to my sharp wit , i'm sorry, sarcasm, as well. My failure is also due to the fact that I'm just me. And nothing else.

Not some kid of a politician who gets to attend fatal orgies every week.

Not royalty with the ability to buy and off lifes according to their liking.

I want to be seen as myself. And especially not cos I'm accidently malay. But the next guy that refers to me as that, would better be ready to deal with a typically malay response.

So as I said before. Sucks to be me.

If you're havin' girl problems i feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

Jay Z - 99 Problems.

And to think that I promised myself not to let history repeat. And I'm watching it again through patient eyes. To think that by stretching my wings out of this island would prevent that, only for the most basic rules in the 6 degrees of separation come and beat me in the face.
Once was bad. Twice was numbing. But a third time? LIKE WTF. And what's worse is the fact that I'm the last to know. Now that reallllly ticks me off. At least Kenneth had the decency to TELL me before even starting anything.

Oh fuck it. Like it matters. But DON'T FUCKING MESS WITH MY TURF. Keep it real. And keep it at home. Or get a fucking room, as my father used to say.

Now if only people actually read this blog. I'd love shit to hit the fan. Perfect way to Mondaynize myself.


Oh. and btw, fuck you.